Crossdresser Community Interview: Veronica’s Journey from Self-Discovery to Transition

Welcome back to my crossdresser community interview series! As we grow and get more experience in life, we are constantly growing and evolving. We may believe or feel something when we are younger, but through time and experiences, we can change our beliefs and feelings. To me, this is a healthy way of going through life. If you live a life resistant to change, you may never discover something that will make you incredibly happy.

In this interview, we will get to know Veronica. She is in her late thirties and is a very thought-provoking person. She has recently begun her transition to become the person that she has always felt like inside.

If you would like to find Veronica on social media, her Reddit is u/Maybemightbenotme. Please enjoy getting to know Veronica through the series of questions that I asked her!

Meet Veronica

Catie: How would you describe your journey through crossdressing?

Veronica: I can recall brief moments when I crossdressed around 13-14 years old. I figured it was normal exploring to be doing around that age, but also figured it was something best kept secret or hidden. Life got busy after that, and I don’t really recall getting back into it until life started to slow down for a moment after college. When life was busy, dressing was something I thought about much, but as soon as I had a moment to rest, that’s where my mind would take me – almost like it was trying to tell me something. So I don’t know exactly why or how it started, but it did, and it continued off and on for much of my twenties, always in secret. I purged a bunch of times, swore it off for good, only to come back to it some months later. And I had a pretty good system in place until the pandemic happened. That forced me then to admit to myself that this wasn’t an activity I did, or a phase, just that it was a part of me – that I was a crossdresser.

Catie: What is your role in the crossdressing community? How do you identify?

Veronica: Participator? Eight months ago, I would have said crossdresser is a fitting label. A few months ago, I would have said maybe genderfluid. Today, I would say trans woman. But, for this last one, I’m still in the process of accepting that. In day-to-day life, I am still in “boy mode” much of the time.

Catie: How long have you considered yourself a part of the crossdressing community?

Veronica: Probably 2-3 years. I “dressed” much longer than that, but I didn’t start engaging with an outside community until 2-3 years ago.

What Was the Motivation?

Catie: Do you consider your crossdressing lifestyle as sexual? Or do you enjoy it for other reasons?

Veronica: I suppose it started as a sexual fetish (except for those initial times I did it as a kid). A long time ago, I would have thought maybe it was AGP, but that has since been debunked/unsupported by the scientific community at large. I just get a lot of joy presenting femme now. At the start, there was a lot of arousal, sure. And then a lot of shame after orgasming. Over time, the shame has lessened significantly. Also, the arousal dressed femme is almost non-existent, too. Now, I feel like my arousal might be closer to that of a cis woman (because I’m probably just a trans woman). Said another way, I can dress in casual fem clothes and have it not be arousing. If I wear something particularly sexy or just feel really good in a certain outfit, or the way I look, I’ll get aroused. But there’s no more shame with that.

Catie: What was the main thing that got you hooked on crossdressing?

Veronica: I don’t really have a good answer to this. I’ve spent a lot of time looking back and trying to discover the “WHY” to try to understand the way I am and why I like what I like. The simplest explanation is that I’m a woman. But, especially early on, I didn’t even think that was possible for me. It literally never crossed my mind that I could actually be trans. It just wasn’t something I grew up being aware of. Hell, I’m pretty sure I came across the theory of AGP before I discovered trans people existed. And AGP fit me well enough at the time that I didn’t really investigate further. I felt like I knew enough then to know that this was something not socially acceptable and something that I should keep hidden away forever. For a long time, I had always planned to take this part of me to the grave before letting it out.

Catie: Can you explain in more detail about the main thing about crossdressing that you enjoy?

Veronica: I guess I didn’t really answer the question above, though. When I was dressing in secret, it felt like an escape. It was calming, soothing, a destresser. At the start, it almost felt like an extension of masturbating. It would extend that feeling, so the combination allowed me to escape reality for a bit. And there were moments with just the right outfit or look, I could feel “it”, in my gut, in my body – just an overall feeling of goodness that made you couldn’t help but smile (I wouldn;t figure out until I started exploring more that other folks experience this and most of them call it gender euphoria).

It wasn’t until I admitted the dressing to my (ex) partner that I thought maybe I could be more than “just a crossdresser”. I tried to explain to her the “why,” and the best I could come up with was that it was stress relief. “Oh”, she said, “so you need/want to do it after a stressful day or something?”. And that’s only partially it – I tried to explain that it’s more so to escape the “stress of everyday life – you know, of just existing?”. She looked at me, confused, and that really got me to question whether there was something “wrong” with me. I don’t think I’ve experienced a lot of gender dysphoria, but it’s possible that for me, this everyday stress of life was just that, and I just thought everybody felt that way.

Catie: Have you fully accepted that you enjoy this lifestyle and that it is a part of you?

Veronica: Yup.

Catie: To follow up on the above question, does anyone else in your life know that you are involved in this lifestyle?

Veronica: Yes.

Catie: If you answered yes to the question above, can you tell me about a crossdressing experience you have had with someone?

Veronica: My mom happens to be my biggest supporter, so I’ve dressed/presented in front of her. Not long ago, I also had a friend do my makeup for the first time. I’m working on getting out more!

Catie: If you could only have one crossdressing item for the rest of your life, what would it be? Use details to describe why!

Veronica: Oof. Wig, I guess? If that counts? I can see ‘her’ with just that, some days. If it had to be clothing, some type of camisole-like crop top. I have a favorite that always makes me feel great.

Moving Forward as Veronica

Catie: What are your goals with your crossdressing lifestyle? Short-term and long-term.

Veronica: I guess to transition at this point. However, if I find that at any time that is not the path for me, I still feel like my fem side would remain at a minimum, a part of me. I don’t plan to hide her from anyone important, as I know she will be a part of me no matter what.

Catie: What is some advice you would give to another person with the same crossdressing interests as you?

Veronica: Embrace it. Lean in. Explore. Try things. If something brings you joy, don’t run from it or squash it just because other people wouldn’t understand.

Catie’s Reflections

Veronica is a wonderful person who deserves to feel the euphoric feeling of being herself full-time. In my time of knowing her, she has always motivated me to continue exploring my gender expression. As we can see in her experience, she went from crossdresser to trans woman over the years of contemplation, and it is a really amazing thing to discover.

I am not saying that all crossdressers will one day realize that they are trans. Still, I do think that as crossdressers, I think we sometimes believe that with all the societal stigmas around gender expression, it would be impossible for us to be more than someone who just likes to wear feminine clothes in private. I think this is mostly a fear-driven ceiling for a lot of people because they don’t allow themselves to fathom another step further down this road.

The next step for you may be to dress up fully for the first time to get the “full femme” look. It could be to go out in public dressed up. And it could be to start your gender transition. It looks different for each person, but everyone should push themselves to discover who they are and what they enjoy. Your happiness in life depends on it!

If you are in the crossdressing space and would like to be interviewed for my next “interview-style” blog post, you may reach out to me on Reddit: u/cd_catie93 or comment on this post with your information. I would also appreciate feedback on this blog style. Let me know your positive and negative thoughts!