How I Came to Live as a Girl (Part I) When There Was No Other Way

A true personal account

1. A Body That Never Kept Up

When I was in elementary and middle school, my physical condition was always poor. Physical education classes were especially difficult for me, often leaving both my teacher and me feeling helpless. There seemed to be no clear solution. Physical fitness, after all, is largely innate. While training can bring some improvement, it rarely closes the gap with those who are naturally stronger.

My parents worried constantly about my health. Whenever seasonal illnesses went around, I was almost always the first to fall sick. We consulted many doctors, but none could offer a definitive solution.

Compounding this, my slight build and gentle appearance often led others to mistake me for a girl. This deeply affected me. From a young age, I wanted to grow up strong and capable, to be recognized as a boy in every sense. Yet reality kept pushing back. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

2. Always the Last One Running

One day after another physical education class, I once again finished last during a running exercise. I felt deeply disappointed in myself, and the entire class passed in a cloud of frustration.

As the bell rang, the PE teacher stopped me and spoke with unusual seriousness mixed with encouragement. He asked me to meet him after school, saying he had a plan he wanted to discuss.

I was confused. What kind of plan required a private conversation after classes?

3. A Proposal I Never Expected

That afternoon, I went to his office. He explained that he had long been concerned about my physical education performance. If I failed the required exam, it would be extremely difficult for me to gain admission to a good high school, regardless of my academic strengths.

I told him I understood, and that I had been trying my best—waking up early every morning to train—yet seeing little progress.

He acknowledged my effort. Then, carefully, he proposed an unconventional idea. Since performance standards differed by gender, and since this was strictly for examination purposes, he suggested that I might temporarily be evaluated under the female category.

The moment he said it, my head spun. I questioned whether such an idea was appropriate at all.

4. When the Choice Wasn’t Really a Choice

He explained further. The plan would only work if I applied to the same school’s high school division, where faculty were familiar with one another. To avoid unnecessary attention, I could temporarily attend a distant branch campus under a routine administrative adjustment.

The final months before the exam would largely be self-study anyway, and my academic performance was strong enough to handle it. He also mentioned that personal circumstances made him likely to transfer to that same campus.

I sat in silence for a long time. Eventually, I thanked him for his concern and said I needed to discuss it with my parents first.

He smiled and said he would wait for my answer.

5. A Family Conversation After Midnight

That evening at home, the thought weighed heavily on me. I didn’t know how to bring it up, yet I couldn’t ignore it. My parents noticed my unease and asked repeatedly what was wrong, but I struggled to speak.

Late that night, I finally told them everything.

We talked for hours. They sighed often. They loved me deeply and wanted nothing more than to secure a future where my academic strengths wouldn’t be undone by a single obstacle.

My grades were solid, but without passing the physical exam, a good high school would be out of reach. Faced with limited options, they tried to think realistically rather than emotionally.

That night, none of us slept well.

6. Agreement Without Relief

The next morning, exhausted and red-eyed, my parents told me to inform the teacher that they agreed.

I returned to the school and met with him again. Together, we finalized the steps: applying to the school’s high school program, submitting a request to study temporarily at the branch campus, and coordinating the necessary administrative adjustments.

From the school’s perspective, it was manageable. A temporary record modification would be used for exam purposes, with the original information securely retained and restored later.

Everything moved forward calmly, efficiently, and without drama.

7. The Night Before Leaving

The day before I was to transfer, the teacher asked whether everything was prepared. When I said my parents had taken care of it, he requested a brief home visit, just to ensure nothing had been overlooked.

At home, my parents welcomed him. He reviewed what had been prepared and seemed reassured. I, on the other hand, felt intensely self-conscious. Although everything had been arranged thoughtfully, this was a role I had never imagined stepping into.

My parents encouraged me to try everything in advance, to avoid any unexpected issues.

8. Standing in Front of the Mirror

Standing in front of the mirror, I noticed how my appearance—unchanged for months—already met the school’s general expectations. There was no dramatic transformation, only quiet compliance.

When they asked me to go to my room and change, I hesitated. At that point, however, there was no turning back.

What I felt then was not excitement or curiosity, but gravity. This was not about identity or desire. It was about survival within a rigid system, and about doing what was necessary to move forward.

End of Part I