Praise vs. Degradation: What Fuels Your Feminine Journey?

Hearing the word sissy evokes an image of humiliation and degradation for most. Videos of scantily clad transwomen taking part in BDSM among them. This material can be empowering and freeing for some, but not all. The opposite side of this is praise and being encouraged to play.

Where do you fall on this spectrum? Do you like praise or degradation?

There are some valid reasons for concern over the extremes of BDSM being visible. Some with potentially poor media literacy could see humiliation and degradation, and take it outside of the context in which it was used. Some could engage in it without boundaries or care for the other person. An essential tool to help prevent this is consent.

The Importance of Consent in Degradation Play

The core concept at the heart of BDSM is consent. Without it, no other aspects can safely exist. There are a few rules within this that also act as building blocks of the idea.

• Consent is in both directions

• Consent is revocable

• Consent is a right

Without parts like these, the sanctity of the BDSM relationship is lost. Consent is the fundamental gift given to another who has earned it. But it is a gift that can and should be taken away if abused.

In humiliation, both sides of the act need to still align with these concepts. Someone explicitly agrees to be humiliated. This is one of the first ways to distinguish degradation from verbal abuse. Despite the consent to it, there is still a lot of emotion that is drawn out when engaging in degradation.

The Emotional Impact of Degradation

Degradation causes strong emotions, like most of BDSM. I cannot speak for the emotions of all sissies when degraded, but am happy to talk about mine.

I am not big on degradation. The dynamic does not suit me well and makes me feel small. It makes me not feel good enough for my dom. I am much more of a praise craver, and that’s okay.

I know a lot of people who do like degradation. It makes them feel desired. They can feed off it, enjoying the emotions that come with it. And that’s also okay.

The emotions you feel with this sort of play are highly personal and intimate. If two adults consent to this, it’s perfect.

In contrast, praising is hyping someone up. It is engaging with positive reinforcements of themselves. Degradation does have its place, but I find it easier to handle praise. I like being praised.

Praising Makes Me Feel Good

As mentioned, I like to be praised. With that will come very soft degradations in punishment. But it is not full degradation. I like to be complimented and hyped up.

I like:

• My outfit is getting complimented

• Being praised for being obedient

• Being rewarded for good behavior

Recently, a friend learned of my love of dressing up and being trans-femme. I joined a video call with them, and they immediately began a strong flattery of how beautiful I was. And I loved that feeling.

I strive for positive vibes. That is my main desire, and I will do what I can for compliments and praise.

Degradation Makes Me Feel Small

Through my time dressing femme, I have had my fair share of both consensual and nonconsensual degradation. While I have not particularly enjoyed consensual degradation, non-consensual degradation has been far worse.

Have you ever been degraded for what you do?

Some days, I spend over 2 hours getting ready. I put together my outfit, shave every part of my body, and spend an hour on makeup alone. I want to look perfect. The worst thing I will hear following this is being told they want to rip it up. They want to destroy my work and belittle my outfit.

In most cases, this is nonconsensual and non-provoked. Most believe I will like it and enjoy being degraded by being trans femme or a sissy. I fully understand the tie between being femme-like and being automatically into degradation. This assumption exists because, for a lot of crossdressers, degradation is their thing.

When Degradation Works for Some People

For some people, degradation does work. It can create a powerful dynamic that allows the degraded person to feel a deep connection with those who degrade them. It requires a level of trust with their partner, something that is required for degradation.

This is also reflected in the nature of degradation. Name-calling and lack of privacy are common things done with degradation play. These are things that require trust but also strengthen it. It adds a level of dirtiness as well, a level of thrill to the dynamic.

Degradation can also give people a chance to use normally hurtful assumptions to stimulate a moment. The use of mean words can add tension to a power dynamic. It also gives you a chance to give yourself to the one degrading you.

But this all relies on degradation being a consensual act between two trusting people. This is the main issue I have personally had with it over the years, compared to other aspects of the genre.

Balancing Praise and Degradation in BDSM Play

If people had talked to me a little before degrading me, they would have learned how I felt about it.

If you can take one thing away from this post, it is to please talk about limits and what you enjoy with your partner.

Good relationships with BDSM elements are still built on consent, and you should have a strong understanding of it. Being degraded is still part of that.

What I Enjoy

There is some gentle degradation that falls on my side. More easily labeled as discipline, it would be degradation with a firm but fair tone. If we are engaged in play, or I have agreed to be your sissy, I will understand and consent to discipline.

Tie me up, spank me. These are disciplines that can be degraded safely. Degradation and humiliation can also be punishments highly personalized to the sissy. I would be degraded by wearing skimpy outfits.

You too can do this to your sub if agreed. If they are like me and very particular with their outfits, reverse that. If they normally dress classy or in high fashion, flip it. Have a skimpy outfit that you can make them wear to punish them with soft degradation. I personally have an outfit that can be worn when I need to be reminded who is in charge. It is a very short plaid miniskirt and tie-front blouse, often with ribbons added on.

I also have not had much experience with petplay. To me, this form of degradation is less susceptible to sadness and feelings of inadequacy. It separates you from the play and reduces the risk of taking degradation personally.

What I Don’t Enjoy

As you may have noticed, I am big on outfits and looking pretty. I suggested earlier that I hate clothes being destroyed. For me, the worst degradation possible is being ripped out of my clothes in front of others. I normally wouldn’t consent to this and would only do so under certain circumstances.

• I trust my partner very dearly

• The clothing isn’t an absolute favourite

• I know I am likely to get other clothes at another time

Finding out what your degradation limits and conditions are can really help your dynamic.

Communicate Your Needs and Limits

If your partner engages in degradation, do not be afraid to speak to them. If they start degrading and you are not feeling up to degradation and need to safeword, absolutely do.

Together, we can practice BDSM and degradation safety.

Conclusion

Both these things, praise, and degradation, are normal and part of relationship dynamics when you are a crossdresser or sissy. You don’t have to engage with them, but they are worth a try. Finding someone who is trustworthy can elevate your relationship. Giving yourself up to them with degradation can be wonderful.

As said earlier, not everyone will dislike degradation, and many will love it. Some will find it empowering and seek it. Other writers have covered the empowerment of humiliation.

Finding what you enjoy is a process. Talk and work with your partner. Sometimes you may also need to communicate that you are not in the headspace for degradation.

If your partner engages in degradation, do not be afraid to speak to them. If they start degrading and you are not feeling up to degradation and need to safeword, absolutely do.

Together, we can practice BDSM and degradation safety.