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Advice for crossdressers on how to increase your self-esteem

Written by Elise Wren


Body dysphoria, depression and anxiety are common threats to any crossdresser’s mental health, just as it is for lots of trans people. That kind of situation is often caused by how these people see themselves, generally in a biased and depreciative way. Why does it happen? The first thing we need to understand is that we live in a society where a good appearance is something a lot of people seek. Beauty standards are often too hard to reach, or even impossible, and if a person is too far from these standards (and that is a very normal and common thing), chances are that person is going to feel bad and possibly develop a mental disorder such as depression.


So, how can someone escape that fate? How can someone keep a good self esteem even though society says that person doesn't look good accordingly to the beauty standards? You must understand that not fitting on these standards wont make you less beautiful, nor less valid, and the same can be applied to the gender standards. Society also tends to associate certain patterns to what can be considered a  “male” or a “female” appearance, but again, it doesn't mean that everything nor everyone needs to follow these same rules, because they are all made up. People exist in a wide range of shapes and sizes, every single one with its own aspects and its own beauty. Whatever is the pattern that society has decided to consider acceptable for each gender today, it doesn't determine if you are or not fitted to represent it. If you are crossdressing, being yourself will be enough for you to be valid and worthy of appreciation.  


Once you understand that you don't own anything to anyone about your appearance, you will be one step closer to a  happier and healthier life. But in case you still need help with some tips to improve your self esteem, here are some activities that might help you to feel better about yourself:


1- Study sociology

It might sound weird at first glance, but understanding society and how it works can help you comprehend how beauty standards are just superficial concepts that are not enough to define a person’s character or value. It might be useful if you want to free yourself from other people's opinion, and it can help you to build enough confidence to be yourself!


2- Start therapy

Getting help from a professional is pretty much the best option if you want to understand yourself better. They will help you to be honest with yourself and you will be able to see more things that you like about yourself. Doing so will make you feel free from whatever society tries to make you attached and restrained to.


3- Focus on people that accept you

If you have people that know you crossdress and that accept you, try to keep your thoughts on these people. If you care too much about people that don't (or that you think that wouldn't) accept you very much, you will end up losing confidence and decreasing your general happiness. I know it might not be too easy to just avoid these people, especially if they are workmates or part of your family, but the point here is to care less about what they think, so you can be set free from their restrictive and negative thoughts.


4- Dress up more often

The more you dress up, the more you will feel comfortable dressing up. It’s very common to dress up and to be surprised, in a good way, with the results. If you worry about the results too much, chances are that you are gonna be afraid to dress up, and as a result you won't feel ok, because you won't be able to express yourself. If you take your time and dress up as often as you can, you are most likely going to develop an improved self esteem, because you are going to see yourself in a way that you like with more frequency.


5- Talk to your friends about how you feel

No one understands us better than people that spend time with us on a daily basis. My tip is to come out to someone you trust (and that is, of course, open-minded about this kind of thing), ask for advice and be open to that person about how you are feeling. Doing so will probably lead you to some well needed compliments and words of comfort, that are almost guaranteed to cheer you up and improve the way that you view yourself.


That's it for now, and i hope that whoever is reading this is able to improve their self-esteem and to be at least a little happier after following those tips!

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