Passing As a Crossdresser: What Does It Mean to Come Out?


As a seasoned crossdresser, I can tell you that the process of coming out isn’t a walk in the park. You find yourself caught up in mixed emotions entailing fear, freedom, and vulnerability.

It’s not easy figuring out whom to share with about your crossdressing. Not all will understand and accept you.



But the upside of coming out as a crossdresser is that you experience a sense of liberation. It’s like you were in jail or a cage without walls where your identity was concealed, but now you expose your true self.

After gaining the freedom to expose your real identity, you can now join crossdresser support groups for assistance. Walk with me as I dish out more information on passing and coming out.

What Does It Mean to Pass



Passing is presenting yourself as a different gender than the one assigned to you at birth and people or community accepting it.

It’s critical for any crossdresser because it’s not just about our dress code, but embracing what they identify as.

Passing is a process that requires dedication and skills.

For example, it took me several months to master the art of applying makeup correctly and avoiding the common mistakes that most crossdressers make.

Still, you need to learn and master the gestures and mannerisms of the gender you identify with.

All these aspects transform your physical, emotional, and social look. They align with the gender you identify with in real life.



Passing makes you feel safe and comfortable even in public places. It eliminates the fear of being discriminated against and judged.

I couldn’t wear my heels when I visited the mall before I fully passed. But after passing, I visit public spaces with my head high!

Unfortunately, like any other phase, “passing “has its downsides. The society may put pressure on you to maintain certain aspects.

Sometimes when I put on my jeans and sports shoes, people ask me whether am back to being a “male”. They expect to see me in my dress and heels at all times, which is overwhelming.

Also, passing doesn’t mean that all days are the same. People will accept you more in some days than others. It depends on the way you dress, put on your make-up, and how you ensure your voice is feminine.

If you fail on these factors consistently, those who have accepted you as a crossdresser may change their mind.


Why Is Passing Important?



Here are some reasons why passing is important to any crossdresser, like myself:


It lets society accept us as the gender we identify with


Passing goes beyond the clothes and shoes you put on, and how you look as a crossdresser.

It’s about society accepting us as the gender we identify with even though it differs from what was assigned to us at birth.


It makes us feel authentic


Though passing shouldn’t interfere with our true self, it makes us feel authentic. Personally, I feel validated when people see and accept me as a crossdresser.

It relieves me from societal pressure, judgment, and expectations. I go anywhere without fear of misjudgment or being misgendered.



It offers comfort and a sense of safety


Passing comes with a sense of comfort and safety.

Earlier in my journey of coming out as an FTM crossdresser, some people threw harsh words at me. I could get pushed or face violence in some public spaces.

But after passing, all these went away. I can go anywhere without explaining or defending myself.

Though passing may make you feel authentic and safe as a crossdresser, it shouldn’t be a determinant of who you are.

If sometimes maintaining your overall look to pass feels like an uphill task, don’t push yourself. It’s okay, just relax.

What matters is what you feel inside. And as long as you accept yourself, you’re good to go.


Tips to Pass as a Crossdresser



As an experienced crossdresser, here are some factors that have helped me in my passing journey:

Dress Code: Put on outfits that fit your body size and shape. They should also complement your skin and enhance your feminity.

Master the Makeup Art: Makeup works like magic in bringing out feminine features. Learn the art of using it to highlight your facial features and achieve a charming feminine face.

Hair Style: Learn the different feminine hair tips and styles that suit your head shape and face. You can use your natural hair or put on the right wigs.



Mannerisms: Women behave differently from men. Learn how they behave and imitate. Don’t stop until you perfect the act.

Voice: Learn how to speak and throw gestures in a feminine manner. Work on your voice until you nail the feminine voice and speech. There are various voice feminization exercises that you can actually explore and make the journey easier.

Accessories: Search and put on accessories such as breast forms, jewelry, lady shoes, and handbags to enhance and polish your female look.

Remember, you cannot achieve the above without confidence and self-love. Believe in yourself and have the courage that you can come out as who you believe you are.


Challenges We Face as We Try to Pass As Crossdressers



Society Standards and Perception


Society has set rules and standards regarding gender. It expects you to align with the gender assigned to you at birth.

Contrary to that can lead to rejection, judgment, discrimination, violence, and much more.

I struggled with stigma when I expressed myself while trying to pass. This left me emotionally drained and psychologically affected.




Some people harass people like us and harm them physically and emotionally.

I remember how members of a local church near my residence used to hurl insults at me and call me a sinner. They even said that I would go to hell when I die!

Still, people against crossdressers like me could vandalize my car and home, and it cost me a lot of money to repair.



Physical Look


It’s not easy to look like a woman. You need to put in the effort and learn how to do some things like putting on makeup.

Masculine features like facial hair could be hectic to conceal. You also need to put on some accessories and outfits like breast forms to achieve a female appearance.

I struggled with controlling my voice to resemble a feminine one.




When people don’t understand you and look at you as a weirdo, you tend to step aside. Some friends and family members run away from you. In the end, you find yourself alone and lonely.


Lack of Access to Transitioning Materials



Sometimes it’s not easy to find feminine clothes, makeup, and accessories to transform into a woman.

Other times they may be available, but you don’t have the money. Either way, you get limited to expressing your true identity.


How to Be Stealth and What Does It Mean?



Stealth simply means keeping your crossdressing or transgender status incognito to some people, workplace, relationships, or other aspects of life.

Stealthy crossdressers prefer to hide their gender identity and history for their safety and peace of mind.

And how can you avoid being stealthy?

Know whom you can trust with your gender identity information. Then inform them only. It will affect your stealth status if you tell and they disclose.



Avoid sharing your identity details on social media. The information may reach thousands of people who may not agree with you. It can be uncomfortable and unsafe.

It feels secure and you enjoy privacy when you go stealthy. However, hiding such an important aspect of yourself can be challenging.

As a result, you may start straining emotionally. I sought support from professionals and fellow crossdressers when it took a toll on my mental status. Finally, I came out!


What Does It Mean To Come Out?

Coming out in the transgender community or as a crossdresser means revealing your true identity to everyone.


What’s the Importance of Coming Out


You get to:

Accept yourself as a crossdresser, sissy, femboy, or transgender person.

Disclose your true identity to everyone despite society’s standards, expectations, perceptions, and norms

Start creating strong bonds with other people by sharing an important aspect of your life. Your honesty creates trust in people.

Liberate yourself and start to live freely and authentically as the true you

Start a journey of finding confidence, self-esteem, and comfort

Take control of your life, which in turn empowers you

Educate others about your identity so that they can understand and accept you. In the process, you share information that enlightens people about crossdressing and transgender.



The duration that each one of us takes to come out depends on the person. It’s strictly a personal decision.


Final Thoughts



Whether you live stealthily or come out as a crossdresser, femboy, sissy, FTM, transgender, or trans woman, it’s strictly your decision.

What matters is that you feel comfortable and safe, and live authentically as yourself.

Also, though passing has its benefits as illustrated above, it shouldn’t be a determinant of your identity.

What’s essential is accepting and loving yourself. Then find peace, and happiness, and become confident and true to yourself.

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